A Garbage SickDay

I’m currently dog sitting at my brothers house while he and his wife are away on vacation. Today I didn’t have work and was at the house all day. I’ve been sick for the past few days so it was going to be a nice treat to sit around and watch TV and do nothing. I go to the second floor bathroom to take a dump and fill up the tub to take a bath. I was pumped. I was sitting on the toilet with the laptop streaming Hulu and my cell phone in my hand looking at Twitter, like a gentleman. This was going to be an epic afternoon of shitting, soaking, and eventual napping. It never got that far.

I was sitting on the toilet taking a dump and I hear what sounds like a machine compressing and a pop. Quickly a stream of water comes rushing towards my feet. I’m mid log. What do I do? I obviously have to pinch the log, but then what. I decide that I gotta wipe. I cant run around the house all poop butted¬†and such. The water keeps getting deeper. Oh shit, its starting to pool around the adapter for my computer cord; better move that before it shorts out or electrocutes me.

I dash down two sets of stairs I can’t find the shut off valve. I dash back up the stairs and glance in the kitchen; there is water rushing down out of the light fixtures as though there is a mini waterfall. I run into the bathroom and grab my phone and nearly slipping in the growing puddle. I dial my sister-in-law as I head to the basement. The call cant get through the reception it terrible. I go back to the main level. The waterfall has grown and there are now a few other waterfalls forming out of other light fixtures I gotta turn the lights off before there are sparks dancing around or a fire or before I get electrocuted.

I run back up the stairs and check under the sink where the water is pouring out of. The valve wont close and now I’m soaked. I try calling again but there is still no reception. I have to figure something out. It’s like Jumanji in the house its turning into a rainforest. I continue into the basement and the water is already leaking down here too. I have to figure out what to do. I start to flip switches left and right hoping that one will finally stop the deluge. Its not working. I turn on the other sink and the tub on full blast thinking maybe if ¬†there is a lot of water going out of other spouts it will lessen the amount of water leaking from the ceiling… It works… negligibly.

I have to figure something out. I can’t keep letting the water leak down. I run down to the basement and into the laundry room and start wildly turning valves and flipping swithches and somehow the water stops flowing out of the burst pipe and now its just dripping out the celing and the light fixtures.

I spend the next few hours poking holes in the ceiling, calling my brother, buying a fan, showing the plumber where to go, drying laundry, drying rugs drying the floor and basicly trying not to have the house get ruined under my watch, and also keep the dog from drinking the water that fell from the ceiling. Im writing this because I am wiped and couldnt think of anything else to write. And me and the Dog are Tired.005 woo!

 

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